At funniest office jokes sites I found Top 10 excuses for falling asleep at your desk. Here are three:
1 "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."
2 "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!"
3 "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the last time management course you sent me to."
Go to http://www.comedy-zone.net/jokes/work.htm
In this vein for your amusement and my consolation I've started a list of possible thanks-but-no-thanks lines (lies?) from recruitment officers. Please add your own - truth or fiction - lies via the comments box.
1. Unfortunately on this occasion you have been unsuccessful... (you think there'll be a next time?!)
2. Due to the extremely high calibre of the pool of applicants... (you didn't get calibrated beyond small fry)
3. We'll keep your application on file... (in the joke archive)
4. Thank you for your effort in applying... (it clearly took you a week to put that CV together - it shows)
5. You have so much experience to offer... (so does my mother but we wouldn't employ her, either)
6. Thank you for coming in... (you were able to find our offices despite your poor eyesight?)
7. We were looking for someone who could fit into the team... (you didn't laugh at my jokes)
8. A gender balance is important but... (there are enough women around here)
9. We were looking for specific skills... (and you don't have them)
10. Your application was ranked very highly... (but not highly enough)
Too bitter and twisted?
.
Here's an actual response (I think it means 'too late') just received by email:
ReplyDeleteRE: Carrera Partners Application for Web Content Coordinator, Ref: carrera2525CH
Thank you for your recent application to Carrera Partners for the above role.
Unfortunately that particular role has recently been filled, however we would like to maintain your details on our database for other job opportunities. Should other positions become available which are more suited to your skills and experience, we will contact you.
If you see Carrera Partners advertising a position that interests you, please call us and ask that you be considered for the position.
Thank you for your application on this occasion and we hope to be able to assist you in the future.